I have been married for 8 years. Like most couples, my husband and I have experienced ups and downs. We married young – he was his 26, I was his 25 – and this probably wasn’t the best idea since we’d only known each other for a year and a half. We’ve both changed, but not necessarily for the better, and we’re completely different people now.
We have one child. I sacrificed my career and worked part-time for a while while shouldering most of the responsibilities for my children. he plays golf I am at home. he gets promoted I take my kids to birthday parties and after-school activities.
We are so used to being in an unhappy marriage that it has become our way of life, our normal. We talked about the future and discussed the fact that we might have separate futures. I personally thought a lot about divorce. To be honest, more than half of the time we spent together I wasn’t happy. Having a child within two years of marriage just forced us into a pattern of holding back.
His only remaining parent is in poor health, and he expects to inherit about $1 million or more when his father eventually dies.
I feel like I’ve been given a lot.
Will I hold out until he inherits this money? Don’t I deserve at least part of this inheritance? I’d like to start over with some sort of security. If we remained married, would this inheritance be his only? Is there a way to prevent this from happening? This may make me sound like a gold digger, but I’m not.
I want to walk away from this marriage with enough money to start over. Especially considering that my career took a backseat to take care of my kids while they went from strength to strength.
Ready for a new life in Arizona
You are entitled to 100% happiness and 50% of the community property. That includes the money you both earned and the assets you acquired through your marriage, including your home. We also wish your child to be 100% healthy and happy.
It will be difficult to start again. Divorce is devastating. If that happens, household budgets will be cut by at least half, making economic life even more difficult. Assuming that the child does not remain at home, he or she will have to find a place to live and share custody, which will include at least the following: You can also raise your children on your own while working.
Your husband should seek legal advice if you are still married at the time of the inheritance, especially if the marriage is coming to an end. That’s not something you would advise him to do and I don’t blame you for that. There’s no condemnation here. Just feelings of resentment, regret for the path not taken, and the unfairness that after you sacrificed your career and spent time raising children, your husband left you with a career you could have had. It’s just a feeling. Plus, she will cost an additional $1 million.
Assuming your husband does not foresee an impending divorce, if he wants to keep his inheritance separate, he can and should put it in a separate bank account. Even better is a living trust to prevent it from being mixed up with your marital assets. The mixed legal process known as conversion is good for you and bad for him. If he used some of that $1 million to upgrade your home, pay for joint living expenses, or put it in a joint bank account, it would probably get mixed up.
It may make sense to stay married until 10 years have passed. “If you are 62 or older and have been married to your ex-spouse for at least 10 years, you may be able to collect monthly payments equal to approximately one-third to one-half of your ex-spouse’s Social Security benefits. AARP. “Divorced people can receive survivor benefits ranging from 71.5% to 100% of their deceased ex-spouse’s benefits, depending on their age at the time of the claim.” However, these rules apply if you do not remarry. Applies only to
You have a choice. You can stay married in the hope that your husband will inherit this girlfriend’s $1 million and have it mixed into your wedding funds by trick or scam. However, this choice is not completely recommended. His father may live another 10 years. Let’s hope he does and has a good quality of life.
Women continue to make more sacrifices in their marriages to raise children, and a wealth of data supports this. But I also encourage you to own the choices you’ve made up to this point.
Readers write to me with all sorts of dilemmas.
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More about Quentin Fottrell:
I’m 64 years old, disabled, and lost everything in a divorce, but my income is only $28,000. How can you avoid financial ruin?
‘I have no idea where to start’: Where should I invest the $50,000 I’ve saved in my life now?
“She says it’s not fair”: My wife will retire at 62, but I’ll be ready at 59. She has $5 million. Am I lazy?
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