Brothers face dilemma over their mother’s will
Dear Amy: My stepfather has two adult children and my mother has three adult children.
Our stepfather passed away, and over time my mother changed her will so that all the money she inherited from her stepfather went to her biological children (including me) instead of being divided among all five of us. did. She didn’t like her stepchild.
According to my sister, who was my mother’s executor, two weeks before my mother (suddenly) passed away, my mother said she was thinking about changing her will to include all of her children and stepchildren. that’s right.
Should we, the children who inherited the entire estate, divide it with our stepchildren? It all feels awkward. The other dynamic is that our brother-in-law is a billionaire and perhaps thinks we don’t give him enough and/or appreciates the act.
So we don’t know if it will “fix” the power relations that were already created by the mother’s actions. It all feels awkward.
Being fair may not solve the situation. And is there a way to cure it? And if my mother intentionally created this will, is it “correct”?
Am I just finding arguments to keep my money?
– guilty
Dear guilty person: I understand your belief that giving money from your inheritance to your brothers-in-law may lead to their dissatisfaction and interference.
Your mother said she wanted to change the will to include her brother-in-law, but she did not seem to be specific about how she wanted to change it.
I also think that you and your siblings may not agree with the idea of sharing an inheritance. It is their right to retain their legal inheritance, just as you are entitled to share in yours.
It is imperative that you three siblings consult a lawyer about this idea.
You will not divulge any information about your father-in-law’s will. If all of his money and property was inherited by your mother, then in my opinion, your stepfather’s children have no access to their father’s personal property or property, or any possibility that he may have inherited it. I think we should do our best to make sure that whatever property and property we have is given to us. his family.
For example, if your mother’s home belonged to her husband before the marriage, you and your siblings might consider passing it on to your husband’s children.
What I am saying is that you and your brother should make an effort to recognize your brother-in-law’s desire to inherit property that belonged to their father before marriage. However, no matter how hard you try to do the right thing, the negative relationship between you may not change.
This may really be a case of damned if you do and damned if you don’t, but you need to do your best to take the most ethical path while being realistic about the emotional impact.
Dear Amy: My youngest son is planning a wedding. He wants his younger brother “Randall” to be his chaperone. My three grandchildren will also be attending the wedding reception in some way.
Her son’s fiancée is wondering if she should invite Randall’s wife to the wedding party, but she doesn’t want to (for various reasons, no one likes Randall’s wife).
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My son’s fiancée thinks it might be awkward if she doesn’t invite him to her wedding party.
I tried to tell her that this was her wedding and she didn’t have to feel obligated to let that person be in her wedding party if she didn’t want to. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this.
– mother of the groom
Dear mother of the groom: you are right. The bride and groom have the right and responsibility to plan and host their wedding according to their preferences.
Still, a wedding is a public celebration of the union of two families. One way she peacefully integrates the two families is by being intentionally inclusive.
Perhaps this sister-in-law may be assigned a role (other than bridesmaid) at the wedding.
Dear Amy: I am a professional photo organizer, and my clients come to me during difficult times, such as divorce, death, and dementia. In such situations, many people want to destroy, delete, or distribute the photos, but these actions cannot be undone.
Even if you have painful memories, it’s a good idea to collect, scan, and organize your photos so they can be preserved for current and future generations.
While recent memories may be painful, future generations also deserve to know their history.
– Adam
Dear Adam: Thank you for your wonderful advice.
Email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or on her Facebook.
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